Myoplex Lite

Cruel

2005-07-10T08:36:00.000-07:00

I never knew pain like this could ever afflict me.

No I'm not talking about the London bombings. I understand what I may have lost is nothing compared to what Londoners experienced over the past few days, but still.....

Just when I thought things were starting to work out nicely for us, just when I thought the gears were clicking nicely into place, a freaking spanner had to be thrown into the machinery.

How can someone just sneak under your nose and take away someone dear to you? To me it's wicked, subversive and simply just hallmarks of a ethic-less person.

Then again, maybe I can't blame that fella. Our foundations weren't there in the first place to begin with I guess..Did we jump in too fast? Were we even compatible to begin with? Could it have worked out if we both tried harder? Or isit that with him u feel tt less effort had to be put in to sustain the relationship and thus he is the better choice?

I can replay the past few days over and over and analyse what went wrong. Maybe I'm blind to my own shortcomings, maybe it's not my fault, maybe it's just that we were confused and unsure of ourselves, maybe I'm not spending enough time with ya, maybe...

But is there a point to keep those flashbacks in my head? Part of me wants to fight and win ya back. The other part is telling me to let go cos it's for the better. I'm losing something I never really owned in the first place. And it would be better if I just gave it wings and let it go to where it truly belongs.

You're a wonderful lady, and I'd never want u to be stuck in a quandary. If being with me induces more questions and more turmoil, then I'd back off graciously. But am I really the source of all your turmoil? I really wonder wat goes on in your psyche...Guess that's something I will never know..

For now, a part of me still hopes that things will work out between us. I really think we should sit down and talk it over. No point letting this steep in silence and pretending all is fine...

Next week should be an interesting one. Let's hope the week's events hurt less than the past 7 days.

Missing ya..

A rare post!!!

2005-04-20T08:20:00.000-07:00

Manz...it's been like 20 years since I last posted.

Wat a semester 2 it has been. In 3 months I felt more mental and emotional anguish than the rest of my 22 years combined. Sheesh.

Had to endure the depression and emptiness after a close fren left hall, and cos of that I buanged my Jan CAs cos I couldn't concentrate on revision too. But thankfully, new frens came in to fill the void..haha..Will be moving to the greener pastures of F block next sem.

Then as the head of PR in my hall, I had to help a 1001 groups in my Hall promote their external performances/concerts, liaise with NTU halls, maintain sponsors, and the big mama was this visit to KE Hall for JC students. It was the first time it was being carried out and I wanted it to be a blast.

Was trying to be a superman and do most of the stuff myself. Concert plan, tour itinerary, catering, transport, calling the JCs, T-shirts, cards, logistical support. Wise man, wise...almost killed myself juggling academics n tt. It would have been worse if not for some really zai pple in my committee..And in between I somehow managed to find time to help Hall Play rent vehicles, move goods and do emceeing. In the background, hockey trainings carried on 3 times a week, at the expense of my work and sanity of course.

Hahaha..used to walk down to B202 and bitch about the day's frustrations to the little fella. But after she left, I started to bitch to pple on MSN. Eventually I learnt to appease my own anger somewhat.

IHG hockey immediately followed the KE visit. It was mentally draining for me cos I was too anxious to atone for last year's disaster. The trainings weren't tt productive for me as well. Maybe I was burning out, maybe I was too anxious to prove myself, or maybe I'm not cut out for this. Think I should find a new niche sport next semester lah.

We din make it to the semis, but overall I was satisfied with myself and the way I personally dealt with my inner demons. But hey, no more hockey for me this year. It's time to find my own niche. (Reef Wakefest 2005, Here i come!) Then after hockey i thought I could take a breather.

Yeah right. 2 weeks to the 5-hit-combo CAs and I was preparing for NUS Open House. Meeting after meeting. Planning after planning. Logistics. Admin. Running around to procure furniture. Printing calendars. Chasing my comm members to do work. More meetings. My vice head and some comm members not being able to help me due to other commitments. Shit. 2 days b4 the CAs and I was attending some NUSSU meeting. Best. But by a stroke of good luck and thanks to d moral support of frens, I somehow managed to pass em all..

Then finally came the final exams. MicroBio n NeuroSc. Was kinda tuff to study the entire syllabus in 3 weeks, and on top of that a new personal problem had to surface. Best. Never been so affected like that b4. But hey, i still made it eventually..

When hall life is making me nuts, I'm really thankful to have the Med pple to back me up. All the skating sessions, wakeboarding trips, gym sessions, jogging, lunches, dinners, movies, bdae parties and basically just chilling out with u guys really bring me back to life again.

Well, not that hall life is bad. Hall was my refuge last year when Med was giving me hell. Seems like now it's vice versa. I guess it's good to have 2 networks of social support. When one fails u, u can turn to the other. When both fails...

I guess that's when u realise the importance of a strong personal core to fall back on.

Cos ultimately, the only person u can always count on to be there, without fail, is yourself. And I hope to learn to love and accept myself, regardless of wat other fuckers think.

Well actually I'm getting rather lazy to blog and decided to tell my stories thru pictures instead. Pls go to http://mingchangwang.gfoto.com .

But hey, if I have the time and the event is really significant enough, I'll definitely post a blog about it. But not anytime soon lah.

"A friendship built and sealed in a place called KE Hall, held together by God and Medicine"

2005-01-11T02:29:00.000-08:00

I ain't a Christian, but whenever I read that line, it kinda makes me want to tear. Haha..Just recently, one of the closest and most vivacious buddies I can ever hope to have just moved out of the Hall.

She wanted me to leave a blog entry for her as a tribute. :P Well, will do it even if she didn't ask. I shall try not to make it sound too much like an eulogy. So Belle, here goes!

It all seemed so innocuous. On Monday night you said you wanted to withdraw your hall deposit and move out cos you were so sick of the neighbours, environment and such. I was kinda stunned, but somehow still encouraged you to leave if that made u feel better.

Didn't really bother much about it till you actually withdrew your deposit on Wednesday. I was like, "Ok, great...now that leaves me the only M2 left in this zombie block."

But as the afternoon went, by this niggling feeling in my head grew stronger. Erm.. like some sense of impending doom. But when you had a change of heart and wanted to appeal to stay 2 months for Inter-Hall games, the niggling feeling went away.

The appeal din go through, and that's when my niggling feeling came back, this time more intense. Sorry, me and half the JCRC couldn't convince the manager to let you stay. It was a damn sad Thursday night lar. Dunno how to describe. It's like my first day at Primary One, when you see your mum pang seh u behind and leave the school gates. That kind of empty feeling..I mean, not that u are like my mother lar! But u know wat i mean.

And u still can send me that sappy Josh Groban song somemore!

I'll miss seeing the 3 stuffed puppies and the disgusting vitamin bottle outside your door.

I'll miss seeing this little lady at the far end of the dining hall during breakfast, milo cup in one hand and pharmaco notes in the other.

I'll miss booking in on Sunday nights and seeing from far, that glow from your open door. The only brightness along the damn graveyard-like B block level 2.

I'll miss our intended "Hi/Bye" encounters becoming 1 hour plus evening conversations.(Really wasted lotsa time though)

I'll miss our going to formal hall dinners armed with Patho notes, studying away while the Hall Master gives his speech, even as the PRCs mock us.

I'll miss your silly Creole nicks on MSN.

I'll miss teaching you the wonders of Lysol.

I'll miss sharing my food, even the expensive stuff.

I'll miss your laughing at my hip-hop dance moves.

I'll miss your laughter piercing the dining hall air as Jared and I have a dinner conversation.

I'll miss talking to someone who actually understands what paternal problems are.

I'll miss being given a fright by your silhouette suddenly appearing in the doorway.

I'll miss bitching to you after a frustrating hockey session/irritating hall meeting.

I'll miss getting shoulder ache leaning on the door frame while listening to you complain about stuff.

I'll miss Hall people mistaking us for siblings everywhere we go.

I'll miss learning about earrings.

I'll miss getting back at others on your behalf.

I'll miss those +88888 smses, especially those emergency ones that plead for help, only for me to rush down and find that you want me to get rid of a dead lizard.

I'll miss walking back with you from the Med Library in the dead of the night, marveling at how you could, in your heels, armfuls of books and non-stop talking, walk up the 80 stairs faster than me.

I'll miss seeing a feisty lady living life with a strong faith.

Yup, I never knew what I missed till it ain't there anymore.

I'm slowly getting over it, but it just feels weird walking past an empty and cold B202.

Thanks for sharing your problems and concerns all this time. Pls don't be insulted if I didn't reciprocate fully. It's just that I'm not one to be open about my own problems, and also because you have enough on your plate already.

Sorry for all those awkward silences when you were feeling despondent and wanted some solutions, while I had none to give. It's just that I was kinda undergoing similar problems myself and just didn't know what to do. And also because I didn't want to be a hypocrite and dispense advice I myself couldn't even follow.

Well, now that you're at home, guess it's better, cuz help and support is never far away. U have Mummy, Becky and Ben around. No longer do you have to run 8 doors down anymore..:P

As for me, now I have to run off to the more happening West Wing whenever I need help and support. At least still got people like CJ, Lydia, Carol, Enhui, An etc around. And recently I've been hamming it up with 2 lovely ladies from F block, so it's not too bad..ahhahaha. Will move there next academic year if I decide to stay on.

Yeah, you're right, we'll be colleagues for life. But we'll never get to hang out as we did in the past anymore. So in a certain sense---farewell my dear friend. Thanks for helping to write and conclude this beautiful chapter of my Hall and Uni life.

Guess it's rather appropriate that a new chapter begins this New Year. And I hope it's just as good, if not better!

PS: If anyone bullies you and Mom or Ben ain't around, just gimme a call. And if I ever chicken out, I'll get you Kejia or Francis.

PS2: So when you gonna bring back your remaining stuff huh? They're trapping extra heat in my room..It's getting too hot and uninhabitable!

5 guys and a boat

2004-11-09T23:45:00.000-08:00

okay now for some uplifting stuff..

Took 4 other guys wakeboarding today: Wesley, Yetyen, Winston(Chin) and Jingyu. It started to rain cats and bitches on the way there, but thankfully the weather cleared on time.

The same mean-looking instructor/driver I kena on Saturday was back. Plus another Indian guy. But apparently he was featured in the New Paper today and was miraculously transformed into a cheerful, outgoing and conversant fella..haha.

Got some snapshots of us all..er..except Jingyu. He was a complete beginner, but never gave up, fought hard and managed to stand. But alas, my camera reflexes were too slow and I only managed to snap him falling. Not nice to post lah. So Jingyu, sorry man, next time I'll take a nicer shot!

Winston doing a surface 180 deg turn

Winston is a natural at this. He last rode in July and even after 3 months of inactivity, he's so at home with the water. Could do bunny-hops(stationary jumps on the water) and other mini jumps..Oooh.

Wesley cutting through the wake

Wesley also quite steady. After a few attempts he could cut across the wake liao. Did some 180 degree turns too..Hey dude, maybe we should stop skating for a while and do this more often?

An excited Yetyen trying to high-five us..hahaha

Yetyen somehow managed to do a wake side-slide, meaning which u balance your board on the crest of the wake, something like a lever balancing on a fulcrum. And the best thing was, he didn't even mean to do it! He was only trying to keep his balance and somehow the trick came out. Er..pity I din capture it on camera..paiseh again!

I was pointing my fingers at the camera, but somehow it looked as though I was saluting.

I was the first rider for our first set but kept falling. So paiseh..hahah. But at least the 2nd set was better. That photo was taken after I managed to cross both wakes at one go without tripping. Yay! So happy! hahaha. But these photos don't seem to be complete without Alvin Wang in them. Alvin! Lai2 leh next time!

We all went for dinner at the Old Airport Road food centre. Food was good, but the oysters in the oyster omelette tasted just like, if not worse, than the Kallang River sewage. But other than that minor flaw, I guess today was just perfect.

Or maybe not so perfect. Need to sleep now..my head's still throbbing from another face fall into the water. Thought of wearing my in-line skating helmet during wakeboarding next time. Or else, like Jingyu said, "hit your head so many times wait kena cerebral palsy!"

PS: Any Med pple interested in joining us pls drop me a note or something yah? On weekdays at Kallang, each rider need only pay 35 bucks for 2 sets of rides, each set 15 min.

Yet another -ve log

2004-11-09T23:00:00.000-08:00

Let me try to summarise the past days' worth of activities in one entry.

Saturday: Drove to Kallang for wakeboarding after the CAs. Kena this aloof and mean- looking instructor---again. But who cares, I had 2 great sets(a set is 15 min worth of riding/falling time, costing about 20 bucks.) Went home damn shack, and fell asleep halfway while eating my dinner. Well, guess it's better than falling asleep at the wheel.

Sunday: Went to VJ with Kejia for our sprints/calisthenics. There were some Japanese kids from some elementary school having their Sunday soccer training on the VJ pitch while their parents watched at the sidelines. I had my hockey stick with me and was practising my ball-hitting on the hockey turf beside the soccer field.

I hit a stray ball that went toward a Jap bastard guy and his two kids. The ball missed them thankfully. I raised my hand in apology. But then the arseholdic guy picked up the ball, looked at me with damn pissed face and shouted: "yammatte bakaro-u!" and threw the ball away from me toward a grass hedge.

Okay, I was just verbally insulted and also had to go to the grass hedge to look for my ball like a dog. Did I deserve this just because I endangered your kids with a stray ball that was going to miss them anyway? Anyway I was kinda meek, and din dare talk back at the guy. Kejia was glaring at him while I fetched my ball and carried on hitting, this time in another safer direction.

The fucker Jap then started hollering in broken English, "Get loose/lost! We book pitch, U no come! Danger, got kids here! *&$*%&" Yeah fine, I understand tt I was wrong but couldn't he have told us nicely? Kejia was scolding him back(with an ang moh accent so i guess the bastard couldn't understand anyway), "Ah dunno wartch your saying man! U blardy jap expat, so rude..." Or something like that lah.

In these situations i always back down and walk off. Kejia was admonishing me to stand up more for myself and give the guy stick. We were wrong to play hockey and endanger the kids, but the fucker could have at least been politer to us.

Maybe I should have shouted back at the bastard. Or maybe I was right to walk off. Damn..but one thing's for sure: I'm one meek person. Still remember some time ago when my handphone was stolen. I knew the who the thief was but backed down when he got too aggressive after I confronted him. From that day on he got his friends to taunt me at every opportunity. Geez..I had no guts to stand up against them.

Tsk..I spent an hour quarrelling with my JC tutor after he wrongly punished my classmate; I violently shove an opponent during a friendly game after he barged into my female teammate(yes, you know who you are).

But I can't freaking stand up for myself. Geez, am I ball-less or what!

Ok ok enough.. I'll talk about more happy things.

Monday: Went to celebrate Victor's birthday with Kim, Alvin and later, Hope. I think Hope did a good write up in his blog. Go check it out @ http://elpis.blogspot.com/. Also went to get a present for Datuk Yuen's 21st bdae. Haha...it's quite a weird prez. Don't think he'll ever receive something like it in the next 21 years.

Oh, as a final note, this goes out to those of my friends whom I've offended over the past two weeks. Sorry people, my mind has been overflowing with so much clutter that I don't know what's important and what's not anymore. I'm not really myself lately, so whatever mean words I've said or whatever irresponsible behaviour I shown towards you guys, sorry! I'll be more mindful of myself in future, I promise!

Dead and gone

2004-10-30T23:16:00.000-07:00

No I'm not referring to the freaking CAs, which were also screwed up badly. Anyway I think I'm at the stage where I fret less over academic results liao.

Came back after 3 shack hours of standing along the banks of Bedok Reservoir, watching the Wakeboard World Cup. I flipped thru the Straits Times for the first time in 2 weeks, wanting to check out the paper's re-launch that was so hyped.

I saw Julius, my RI and VJ friend on the front page of the home section. Not surprising to see friends' faces in the news, except that his full photo was in black and white on an otherwise coloured page. The headline read:

S'porean slams car into tree while on US camping trip
He is killed. Three others in his car, all asleep, are not injured

Wtf man. It was suggested that he fell asleep at the wheel and lost control of the car. No offence to the bereaved but what kind of meaningless, wasteful or even irresponsible way is it to die like that? From the looks of it, his death was definitely preventable.

I have not kept in contact with him since leaving VJ, but when shit like this happens, it still kinda affects me. Fate is so warped---he was the only casualty in the car. 22 years young and gone just like that. Wth.. the second death of an ex-school-mate in 3 years.

The previous one was my RI friend who battled bone cancer for years and had to repeat Sec school for like 3 years due to his relapses occurring during the major exams. He died after Xmas in Dec 2001.

A considerate dude till the end--even while on his deathbed in SGH he kept telling his parents not to inform us. He knew we'd be busy with our NS duties/Xmas celebrations and did not want to trouble us. But what really bothered me was his mum telling me how, during his last breaths, he was crying and pleading that he didn't want to die. That's so not like him..

He was usually brave and realistic about his mortality, accepting the fact that he could go at any time. I don't know what transpired the attitude change during his final moments. It's not pleasant to think that he passed away still so attached to life.

.....

We only knew about his death thru the ST obituaries. Ironically, during that time I was calling up the guys to organise a class reunion. And in the end the reunion was held at his wake.

Every now and then jolts like these remind me to live as if I'll die tomorrow. But besides that, I'll still continue to dream as if I'll live forever. Guess that's equally important.

PR Skills

2004-10-23T00:06:00.000-07:00

Feel better now than I did the entire week. My mind seems to have cleared. CAs somehow dun seem to bother me tt much also.

Just came back from my Hall's Internal Culture Night Concert.

My committee had invited some sponsors over to watch, and a lady from the postcard company, Artcards, came with her husband and kids.

As the PR Comm's blardy Head, I was supposed to entertain them. Initially I told Enhui, the Hall's social sec to do it, cos i wanted to study for the blardy CAs.

But in the end my code of ethics made me change my mind. I stayed with the guests thru out the entire concert. Have never felt good getting others to cover my duties. Thanks anyway Enhui! And yes, Carol---think u make a damn good host lor. So glad u're in my comm!

I seem to haf lost my PR skills. I actually found it tuff to talk to such corporate sponsors and din know wat approach to use. In the end I just went with the flow. But had to reel myself in or I'd end up talking to them like i talk to Yewsen. It helped tt they were unassuming and rather happening too---

Their 2 yr old daughter was decked out in a singlet that said "Boys are crazy---Must throw stones at them". Wth. Cannot imagine her in 13 yr's time.

The 4 yr old son had a hairstyle tt would put any Arts undergrad to shame. And the parents seemed interested in staying in Hall too..hahaha.

Then there was this couple who came to watch their daiughter perform. The daughter's name is Jamie Yeo. Her dad, immaculately dressed, introduced himself as Philip Yeo.

Philip Yeo. A-STAR Philip Yeo? I dunno. He had an aura of science around him...Still trying to find out.

Gosh, hope I din make too bad an impression on them. Think must polish up on my vocab and sentence-forming skills during the hols.

Hmm..will confine myself in Hall till Sunday night to study, and then go home and watch Ruud score against Arsenal. EPL...my only major leisure activity this week. Lan lan suck thumb. Nvm just two more weeks and I can hit the roads and river again. Got many birthdays to celebrate during that time also...So exciting..

Ugh

2004-10-21T00:00:00.000-07:00

Why is it that everytime I try to get down to serious mugging, every other aspect of my life starts to go haywire?

Now my mind is plagued with scorpions and those meddlesome thoughts from everything that's gone wrong in the span of one week. And wtf, none of them are academically related. How to study like that?

Told myself not to get too attached to any notion nor ideal, but it ain't working. I'm making the same mistakes over and over again, all the way since JC2. Geez, deja vu all over again.

Well, school's the best place to make mistakes and still get away relatively unscathed. I better learn to control my thoughts and feelings before it's too late. Usually when things go wrong I just grimace and "ride the tide" till the storm's past.

Never really take any pro-active stance to solve my problems b4. But sometimes i just dunno wat to do. Belle told me to pen things down and work it out from there. Man, if only she knew the shittiness of it all..

Will do that. But hafta study first.

Dun think I'll scrape the CAs, but heck lah, can make up for it in 2nd Sem. But still gotta mug.

Too relac liao!

2004-10-10T02:00:00.000-07:00

Went to MINDS Towner Gdn School for the Intellectually Handicapped on Friday. Again, one of those visits which make us Med students feel sorry for the kids with Down's Syndrome/Cerebral Palsy/Autism etc. Visits like that make us appreciate our lot in life more, and let us understand that life is not as tough on us as it seems to be. Tests, exams, CCA stress, relationship problems dun seem to matter so much anymore if you put things in perspective and see how much better off we are than the MINDS students.

The sad thing is once we Med students get back to school on Mon and immerse ourselves into the dog-eat-dog and kiasu-istic "classroom" that S'pore's Education Ministry has so successfully moulded, 90% of us are gonna revert back to our old narrow-minded mindset and materialistic attachments. I'm confirmed gonna be one of them. Singaporean mah, wat to expect? Guess that's where Buddhism steps in to help me.

Ok, shit aside.

I resolved to study more during the weekend but apparently this is not turning out well. Went for my 3rd movie in as many weeks on Friday. White Chicks...But it was pretty good stuff! Laughed so much with my army frens even after it ended until I couldn't walk properly to the bus stop and missed the last 36 bus. Sheesh.

Came back to school this Sat morning to study my neglected Patho. 1 entire day, 2 chapters done. Not good. I had a hall bash that evening and actually wanted to skip it to finish Inflammation 101. But I'm sooo glad I went for the bash.

Newsroom Bar. "It's the End" was the theme, which revolved round the idea of natural disasters. Not that the bash was a disaster though cos I think I'm beginning to like chionging more and more. But I still can't stand the R & B music, or what my frens call "Ah Black" songs; and of course the stinking Marlboros.

But I found the dancing quite fun leh..Maybe cos I ain't dancing with total strangers but with hall pple, who took up like 80% of the floor space. Heck, even decent good guys like Chuen Jye were losing their inhibitions and gyrating away. Haha..maybe I should go for more courses this December to improve.

Like all bashes I went for, I'd mostly end up watching soccer. England 2 Wales 0....

Motley crew of Hall folks and three Med yr2s. Wanted to bring study notes to the bash actually..

On my left--my Med counsellee..JinXi!! On my right is Keling, another new friend from the land of Truly Asia..Malaysia!

At bashes, I'd mostly end up watching soccer. Here're my Hall soccer buddies..

The nice folks from the bash committee actually chartered a bus to and from Newsroom Bar from hall. Damn funny...when we boarded the bus after the bash, we got damn funny stares from the happening crowd. Some asked me,

"Eh you all tourists ah? Hahaha why got bus one, so farnee ah!"

"Eh why some of you carry school bag one?"(referring to one of our PRC fellas who also happened to wear the NUS matric fair T-shirt...)

Watever lah..

Hmm...tmr I'm going skating with a large gang of Med pple at Wenshan's place. Hmm..3 weeks to CAs; Hall PR Comm stuff to do; and still have to juggle hockey training in between. I'm really asking for it.

Ok, I swear this will be my last enjoyable weekend this month. No excessive indulgence till November.

My Last Happening Weekend?

2004-10-04T21:54:00.000-07:00

Wow..I thought my weekends during the 4 month hols were enjoyable.

But somehow i seem to have more fun during the school term weekends leh..

Wah lan if every week like that then no need to study liao lar..

Friday:

Spent 2.5 hours after school at the SRC gym with Sheldon and Andrew. They stayed awhile and left, while I carried on. Was studying Katzung at the reception counter in between sets..Seems a bit weird but it's quite a good way to multi-task, can work out both your muscles n your mind too..

Then after that went for my Hall's Disco Night at the Hall Lounge. First time I see pple go chiong in shorts and singlets. I think only the organisers bothered to dress up. Quite a slack event, most pple were sitting on the sofa and sleeping or staring into space..Maybe cos I went too early lah.

KE Disco Night--3 slackers and the 2 chio organisers.

Heh. Din seem like disco huh?

Anyway after that I had to rush down to Lido to watch Resident Evil Apocalypse with some of my army friends. Great show! Lotsa chio bus and humour in the movie. But then it ended so late, had to take a damn cab back..

Saturday:

Went wakeboarding again with the NUS club. Sheesh. Think that was the last session before the CAs. Need to spend more hours on books. Left the house at 2pm and came back at 12midnite. Fun lah, but feel guilty.

Anyway the riding venue was at Punggol Marina, off Seletar Island. Alvin Wang got the former TCS actress Amanda Ho as his instructor!! I'm so freaking jealous. Mine was this guy who kept suaning me. At least got some nice boat mates to talk to..

Me and my boat mates..Clockwise from left. Brian the commando officer, Sheryl the law girl, me the slacker and LayPeng the screamer.

Kept falling when trying to cut into the damn wake...damn sian. I really take a longer time than normal humans to learn things. All my life it's been this way. Sigh. More practise I guess. Anyway the entire club went for dinner after that. Heh..thought i won't be able to get along. But hey, they were really nice pple..

NUS Wakeboard Club 04/05!!!

Sunday:

Woke up damn shack and aching all over...But I promised Kejia I'd go for PT with him at VJC track.

We did circuit training like total wusses...Must rest in shade, take water breaks every 5 min, and had to use our shirts as floor mats for situps as we found the floor too dusty for our liking.

Anyway it was fun lah..

Kejia and me after our Sunday PT. Feeling a bit hyper.

All in all, a better week than normal. Oh, here are some photos from the KE7-PGP Med BBQ...

The M1 gang..Should've used red-eye reduction.

M2 gang from PGP and KE7

Oh and thanks Alvin for teaching me how to load photos!!

Too petty?

2004-09-29T02:30:00.000-07:00

Just finished holding a rather successful KE7-PGP Medicine BBQ.

But gosh, i'm still fuming..

Wah lan. Not many pple could help me prepare the food, cos they had CCAs and such, or were busy for other reasons, I can understand. At least quite a number promised to help me clean up after the event---or so i thought.

When the bbq was close to ending, I started to clear the trash. The rest started to leave, including those who had earlier promised to help me.

Thank goodness for some great souls who volunteered their services, some of whom ain't even staying in campus and know that they'll reach home damn late if they help me. What irks me most is that we were doing the washing of dishes in my block(East Wing), and some Med pple in my block din even offer to help.

In the end those washing up were those kind fellas who stayed in the West Wing, and they din even complain when they had to carry stuff from my block to theirs, which is quite a siong walk.

What were my block neighbours doing? Wat were those pple who promised to stay back and help doing?Am i wrong to expect assistance from them? Or am I too petty to be pissed at them for not helping?

I mean if pple from other blocks and those who weren't even staying in KE could take the trouble to help me, y can't my very own neighbours? Even 2 guys who were sick-- one almost on the verge of puking--could still help me. Wah lau I was feeling damn bad troubling them already man..How can the others pang seh me like that?

Shit I dun like griping about others like that..Dunno y i'm so pissed..Shit man.

But now I know who i can go to war with, metaphorically, and surprisingly, most of them are not Singaporeans.

Sometimes when we help people a lot, we expect them to help us in return when shit happens. Guess I have to change my perception. We should help pple w/o expecting anything in return. Because that's wat always happens. It's the sad truth. It sucks to be nice.

Sigh.

Later Man U vs Fernebache(or sth like that). Hurray for soccer. Something to drown my mind in. Can't keep thinking the way I do these few days liao. Gonna crack someday.

Depression, Concussion, Visceral and Patella Pain

2004-09-26T23:00:00.000-07:00

What a whirlwind last four days of the week -- very happening and also very physically and emotionally painful.

Thursday:
I've been bugged by this constant thought for a long time and it just got damn full blown on Thu. Seems like that major problem is due to my attachment to certain things/people. Then when the things/people don't behave or react in the way you wish to, your attachment just makes you feel even more miserable.

Very depressing. But I guess if you really like something, u gotta give it wings and let it go. Cos the fastest way to lose it is to cling on too tightly.

Friday:
A depressing and unproductive week was kind of ameliorated. Went to watch this ridiculously rubbishly funny and inspiring movie Dodgeball with Kim, Alvin and Victor. We laughed our asses off and talked lotsa cock after that. Never had so much fun at @ movie b4. Ok, the week did seem to be looking up.

Saturday:
I'll never try to be an action-man again. One can never run before he learns to walk. Went wakeboarding with Alvin at Kallang today.

I had a very nasty trip on the water and ended up taking a head first dive. It felt as traumatic as my Tioman dive trip. The force was so great, my head was on fire and I could feel myself pushed underwater by the impact. And boy was I pushed deep. Could feel my ears popping. At first i thought, argh, just bear with it, the lifevest will bring me up to the surface.

About 10sec later, I was still underwater. Shit, I thought maybe I wore the wrong-sized life vest again. The hydrophobia started to come back. Then I realised i was floating upside down. Wakeboard on the surface and head under H2O. Another few sec, and i finally managed to see the sun again.

Not very pleasant. My head was throbbing, there was a cut in my mouth and I was, for the first time in my life, seeing stars. So that's wat it feels to be hit hard on the head. Basket. Not a good session.

The stars and pain stuck with me the whole night. Neck's damn pain man..Can't turn left/right nor look down properly. So pain, so difficult to check blindspot while driving back from Kallang, almost squashed this asshole motorbiker. Best.

Sunday:
Army Half Marathon. Woke up at 4am, neck and head throbbing real bad, esp, the para-cervical vertebra parts. (Knn still dunno how to self diagnose..forgot Yr 1 stuff liao.)

Had to go give two of my frens a lift to Esplanade for the run. The baggage counter and toilet queues were damn long and we missed the flag-off time by about 10 min.

Started the run with an almost empty stomach, and it was going pretty well..21k, no problem lah.. i thought.

Then after the 1km mark, my right abdomen felt ticklish. Then another 500m later, it felt tense and rigid, then the pain set in. Always like that man, always! All my past runs have been plagued by weird stitches. And not even 5km yet! Damn irritating. I was holding my right side and running for the next 1 hour 20 min. The damn stitch did not go away for 1h 20 min.

But when it amazingly did, I found my 2nd wind and somehow still managed to finish with a self-timed 2h 7min. Not bad leh!

But my knees have given way now...Driving home after the run, not only could i not check blindspot dur to my neck pain, i also had trouble braking and changing gears due to my poor knees not co-operating.

Lucky nobody died.

Banging a damn brick wall

2004-09-17T20:52:00.001-07:00

Shit man.

I've been playing hockey since Sec 2, and I think I'm just one of those people without any ball sense watsoever.Without the ball, I dunno where to run. Get the ball(that is if I can stop it in the first place.) dunno wat to do. First instinct is take the ball and run at opponents. Then always lose it in the end.

Sucks man, think I'm just banging this brick wall, no matter how hard i try, it just doesn't get any better. How many teammates I've let down already, how many heart attacks I've caused them already.

Just came back from a hall hockey match. Yeah it was played for fun, but my same old weaknesses were apparent. Wah lan eh.Told my captain that I don't think I'll be playing competitive hockey this year, just cannot bear to go thru the same shit again. What's worse than not playing well yourself, is seeing the looks on your teammate's faces when because of u, a goal-scoring chance was missed or a goal was conceded.

Screwed man..think it's not just hockey..other sports also. Serious lack of psycho-motor skills. Just hope this doesn't carry over into clinical years. I wouldn't wanna kill any patient inadvertently.Oh well, think I'll focus on other activities. Had enough of biah-ing hockey for almost a decade and not making any headway.

Wakeboarding next week!

Here's to the next 8 years.

Haywire week

2004-08-15T16:00:00.000-07:00

Wah Lan eh.

Din know it's so siong to keep logging in blog entries. maybe I'll just have one a week.

The first week Sem 1 ended, and everything seemed so fast-paced and action packed. Let me try and recall from today backwards..

Sunday: NIKE Real Run
Just came back from the Nike 10k run at Sentosa this morning. Supposed to go with my army fren, then ended up going with Hope in his car together with Ivan and Praveen from KE. Met more Med pple along the way---Colin, Jingyu, Zeyun, Andrew, Faye, Shaofeng etc.. My hall frens were there too, but when the run flagged off I lost everybody.

One 3km stretch of the run involved running on the entire stretch of Sentosa's beach. Sloping, soft, energy sapping, damn beach. Dunno how the Baywatch lifeguards do it. So many people just gave up and started walking. But not me! I NEVER walk during a run, ever! haha..pushed on till the end. Kinda wish i had this perseverance in other aspects of my life too.

The queue after the run for the goodie bags was squeezy, claustrophobic and messy. Nike organise one lar, so can't expect much.

At every major run there are official photographers who snap randomly and post the pix on the Net for sale. Last time I went for the Johor-S'pore Run, din kena any snapshots cos i think I din stand out from the crowd..Today I wore my nicest singlet and the most kaopeh sunglasses I have. Hopefully they got me this time..

Saturday:

I dun even wanna talk about it. Supposed to study the past week's lectures, but my eyes and fingers kept straying to the laptop and Soccernet.com

Then supposed to go to Cal fitness with my friend, but felt too lazy. Went home and watched the Paris Hilton & Nicole Richie instead.

Friday:

Patho
The patho tutorial prof, SM Chong, just freaks me out. Ok good that he doesn't take attendance, but the way he randomly shoots questions that require intensive recollection of Yr 1 facts..it's not very pleasant. Many awkward silent moments and pregnant pauses during the tutorial. And it's not the usual pple in my group too. I think got more Tans than Wangs this time.

Diving
Went with Kelvin to collect my diving license! Yeah! The most difficult course I took during the hols. A hydrophobic like me had lotsa trouble learning diving. I kept inhaling water thru my nose, choking and panicking underwater, shooting up to the surface too fast in my panic, experiencing expanding air in my stomach and windpipe as a result.

I thought I won't make it alive out of Tioman, let alone get the license. But hey, hahha, I did it!

Don really like diving though. Can't understand pple when they say.."Ohhh...Diving is soooooo fun! See the fish soooo nice...I like! Sooooo fun!"

Knn lah.

Jam & Hop 2004
This NUSSU FOC project was held at SRC. Hosted by recently-fired Perfect 10 DJ Sheikh Haikel. Poor thing. Trying to rouse the dead crowd. Wah lan damn boring. Pageant not too good, music like shit. Went with Sheldon, Chuen Jye, Pam, Neesa, Ragh and Amelia. Some of us just went in, took the goodie bag and zao liao.

Damn..there's this cute NUSSU PR Unit chiobu I keep bumping into. First at KE while helping her move stuff, then at the NUS Open House, then again at Jam n Hop. Hahah..I even tot of joining PRU..But sian..I think she attached liao. Best.

Thursday:

So many belated birthday wishes today, dunno how this kind of thing spreads so fast.

Had an appointment at Citibank. Supposed to open this Franklin Templeton Asian Bond/Trust thingie. Spent 2 hours listening to the financial planner, not understanding wat he said. Downward pressure, fixed income, equities, bull run etc...

Science & Med students really must go for finance n econs courses too. How many pple actually understand the Money page of the Straits Times?

PR Comm
I really dun want to chair Ke7's PR comm, but what to do? Unfortunate circumstances. I still have not got a concrete plan nor any objectives..and my leadership n organisational skills are almost non existent.

Past members who endured shit with me over the past year keep telling me I'll be a great chairperson n such. Sigh..Another of those times when pple have more faith in you than u have in yourself.

And at 12am, i was told by Victor and Chakyung, my two most faithful and hardworking teammates, that they were leaving the committee for XQRJ. Chak was gonna be the head and Victor the vice. Guess the pull factor was too great, and they probably wanna try new things. Can't force them to stay...

I had to force myself to smile when talking to them. Talk until damn late and couldn't wake up for 8am Patho lec on Fri...knn... Can u imagine Man U losing Scholes and Giggs? So many experienced pple have left PR comm, leaving only me and my vice, Shijie to man the helm..

This year got damn a lot of Med yr 1s and other seemingly capable pple sign up for my Comm, but I think no one can quite replace the batch that went thru hell and shit last year.

Thanks man, thank you Victor, Chakyung, Shijie, Pengyuan, Ah Boon, Karen, Caixia, Prashant, Imran, Joseph, Koki, Bala, Xiaolong, KC. Thanks for sticking with the comm when the rest jumped ship. Wish u all well. I'll try to leave my own legacy too!

Wednesday:

I am 22! 22 years old and I still dunno how to live my life! Well done man. The younger u are, the older u wanna be. The older u get, the younger u strive to be.

Spent my birthday in one of the best ways I knew..Went California Fitness Raffles Place. Think it was one of my best workouts ever. Gonna miss the place when my current 6-week membership expires. Chiobus, free towels, free soap/shampoo/shower etc..But also good lah, dun have to see Andrew How's face again.

That guy is a damn rude staff whom me and Tingfeng wrote in to complain against some time ago. We met him again and he said, " Eh brother, thanks for the letter ah! Eh by the way ah, ex-staff(referring to Tingfeng) are not allowed to join the gym for 6 months hor, just to let you know! Thanks again, bye!"

Unrepentant, cynical bastard. He kept staring daggers at us. How to deal with shit like that?

Tuesday
Med Yr 1 Hostelites
Best. This year KE7 got about 15 Med Yr 1s..And PGP has about 22! Wah lan eh..

Siauw Mei organised a dinner at KE Hall for them all today..Not bad, got a lot of happening year 1s..Mohana, Huilin, Lynn Foo, Liana, Dehan, Eeteng, Marvin, etc etc...Lynn n Dehan even came down to play hockey with us after dinner.

Good lah, I thought there was a serious dearth of sporty gals in Med fac. Guess this year we got some gymmers, runners and the like.

I'm supposed to organise a BBQ for KE and PGP medics soon. Shit I hate organising and doing stuff. Wish I could spend an entire sem just studying and pursuing my interests, without having commitments I DUN WANNA, such as PR comm...

Ang moh chinese
Made a huge bunch of new frens at breakfast today. They were mostly female exchange students from UC Berkeley(the very sch i wanted to go!), San Diego and Irvine. Very happening, very United States, and very Chinese. 90% were American-born Cheena girls. Supposed to show em around sometime. Told Winston Liang that some of them might be interested in heavy metal. Never seen Winston so excited before.

New Fridge
Kind fella Ek Khoon sold me his fridge after he left KE. I no longer have to eat dry biscuit-like foods and drink bland protein powder for supper anymore!

Late nite supper menu b4 fridge:
McVities Biscuits or bread that goes mouldy damn fast in the humid room
Protein shake or Magnolia packet milk or
Tuna from can(which i die die must finish, cos can't store leftovers)

Supper after the fridge came:
Nacho cheese tacos with authentic El Paso salsa dip or
protein powder mixed with ice cold green tea milk or berry-flavoured freshmilk or
chilled fruit like kiwi and grapefruit
focaccia buns with chilled cheese and salsa or
chili salmon or spiced pork cubes, which i no longer have to finish in one sitting!
strawberry and peanut swirl chocolate bars
fruit yoghurt with sunflower seeds thrown in

ohhh maaannn.

Med lectures
I told myself I wasn't gonna be worried about how others did. Just concentrate on my own work. I told myself to like wat I was learning. Studying will be easier this way. But knn first day of intro lectures I'm already having trouble understanding and sustaining interest. Thought sitting at the back will help me concentrate better. But nope, plenty of noisy buggers around.

More stress to come. Kiat Han transferred from Med to FASS, citing supreme stress. Wat happened to fun of learning? Wah lan. Hope I find the joy of learning soon.

Okay, there ends the week..Next week knn so many long days, but at least got funk classes to look forward to. And next week got Dnd, Pri sch gathering n wakeboarding too!

Gonna learn some patho now. Learn, dammit, not study..And still got PR comm stuff to settle. Damn I hate Hall ECAs.

Excellent!

2004-08-11T00:40:00.000-07:00

this is great...my first ever blog. As I've already turned 22, i think it'd be best to record my experiences in the prime of my life, before I start forgetting them.

But since I'm so tired, i think I'll wait till tomorrow.